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The Words I Just Can’t Say (Sequel to Tensions) By Veet Voojagig and Liritar Thranduiliell
Pairing: Sawyer/Sayid Rating: NC-17 Summary: Whiskey, blankets, and domesticity. And a lot of talk. AND ACTUAL PLOT! *gasp* Disclaimer: We still don’t own them. Nothing has changed since the last story. Though we now want to slap the shit out of Sawyer as well for being an idiot. Damn characters… **********************************************8 Sawyer walked along the beach, examining the new feeling that had come over him: contentment. It was strange; he’d never been so happy in his life as he was right now. And there could only be one reason for that. Sayid. He smiled as he pictured the man that had touched him so, the eyes that seemed to speak to him, that seemed to understand. He exhaled in a satisfied sigh. It actually felt good to be alive. He
let his eyes travel the shore, taking in the beauty of the waves,
the sand, the nearly nude sunbathing girl… He blinked. Oh, “Thanks, asshole. Now will you fuck off? I’m kinda working on my tan.” She kept her eyes closed, her attention focused on whatever thoughts she could have. Sawyer laughed. “Now, that’s a helluva way to take a compliment, sweetcheeks. I might just have to take lessons from you.” “Don’t waste your time, dear. I don’t think you’ll be getting any compliments any time soon.” “That just depends on what I’m doin’, honey. I get a lot of compliments in… certain situations.” He flashed her a suggestive smile. Sawyer
heard a laugh behind him and turned to see Sayid sauntering away. He
felt his cheeks heating and he shot a glare at “Sayid,” he hissed, once they were out of sight. Raising an eyebrow, the other man turned to him. “Yes?” he asked. “I… you know I didn’t mean anything by that,” he muttered, not meeting his eyes. “I’ve got an image, ya know? I can’t let anyone find out what I am.” A slow smile crossed Sayid’s face. “I never thought you did. Mean it, that is.” He stepped a bit closer. “The explanation is appreciated, though.” “Is it?” Sawyer looked up. ‘Fuck! I’m blushing again. I must look like an idiot.’ Sayid’s hand feathered across the back of his neck and drew his head down. Their lips met softly, melding together in an incredibly sweet moment of tenderness. Then Sayid’s tongue was sliding into his mouth, sliding slowly against his own. He moaned quietly; he never wanted this to end. He pulled the man against him until their bodies were just touching, feeling the tantalizing warmth of him through their clothes. It felt so right, so perfect. He closed his eyes, just reveling in his new-found happiness. The Iraqi pulled back slightly. His hand brushed over Sawyer’s cheek. A slight smile curved his lips. “You, my love, are beyond compare,” he breathed. Sawyer felt his heart skip a beat. He couldn’t have heard that right. “Wh-what did you call me?” he whispered. “What did you say, Sayid?” Sayid didn’t respond, merely dropping his eyes to the ground. “Please, Sayid.” Sawyer tipped the other man’s head up, forcing him to look at him. “It was nothing,” Sayid said softly, trying to avoid his gaze. His tongue flicked swiftly across his lips. Sawyer released his breath in a quiet sigh. He wasn’t going to press the issue. He was almost sure of what he heard, but… if he couldn’t say it even once, who was he to make Sayid repeat it? He smiled at the man. “Come with me, I’ve got something I want to give ya.” Sayid’s eyebrow quirked. “And what is that?” he asked. “That would be telling,” Sawyer grinned. * * * * * * Sawyer knelt and pushed aside the branches covering his secret cache of goodies. After rummaging for a moment, he pulled out a bottle of whiskey. “Not champagne, but it’ll have to do,” he said, handing it to Sayid. “Want a drink?” The Iraqi took the bottle with a small smile. “Thank you,” he said, opening it and taking a sip before handing it back. “I wonder how the glass avoided being broken,” he murmured. “Wrapped up all snug in a suitcase. Almost as if they thought somethin’ might happen to it.” He flashed Sayid a wry grin. “Ah, well, I’m sure their spirits are smiling down at us, well pleased that their liquor survived.” Sayid chuckled softly and sat down beside him. “Ya know, that was sorta sick, Sayid.” He raised the bottle to his lips and gulped down a mouthful. “Yes, I thought so,” he said, smiling. “I have a rather morbid sense of humor at times.” His arm slid around Sawyer’s waist. Sawyer leaned against him, a feeling of incredible safety closing around him. Not only had he never felt like this before, it had never occurred to him that he’d want to. Safety had always been something that depended on HIS strength, HIS skills. He hadn’t wanted anyone to lean on. He smiled to himself. He’d been a fool. He took another sip and passed the bottle back to his lover. This was peaceful, something else his life hadn’t had in abundance. He wished that they could stay there, away from the world, forever. Sayid’s hand traced slow circles on the small of his back. “Sawyer?” he said after several minutes of silence. “Mmm?” He turned his head to look into Sayid’s eyes. “I love you.” Sawyer’s heart leapt in his chest and he moved to claim Sayid’s lips tenderly. He pulled back and gazed at him seriously. “Yeah. Sayid, I…” He licked his suddenly dry lips. He couldn’t say it, not this time. Words that dropped blithely from his tongue whenever he needed a bit of cash wouldn’t form. He couldn’t reduce Sayid to that level, say the same thing to him as he had to those idiotic women. He had no right to use those words any more. He’d betrayed them, time and time again. Sayid deserved better. But, oh, fuck, he could see that his silence was hurting the other man. Without letting himself think about it any longer, he grabbed Sayid’s hand and placed it on his chest. Over his heart. “Take it,” he whispered. “It already belongs to you.” Sayid’s fingers tangled in the fabric of his shirt. “Sawyer,” he breathed. He brought his other hand to his face, tracing the contours of his jaw. Sawyer knew what he wanted, and he forced himself to say it before he backed down. “Sayid, I—I want to give myself to you. Like you did.” “Are you certain?” Sayid asked, his gorgeous eyes filling with concern. “You don’t have to, my love.” He nodded wordlessly and stood, going back to his suitcase. He pulled out a blanket and spread it on the ground. “Gettin’ almost domestic, ain’t we?” he grinned at Sayid as he pulled off his shirt. The other man moved to stand behind him, holding him tightly in his encompassing arms. His breath was warm against the back of his neck. “Sawyer,” he whispered, his voice husky with desire, “you know that I swore to never again force you to do something you didn’t wish…” “Aw, shut up, Sayid.” Sawyer spread his arms wide, gesturing around the clearing. “Do you see anyone forcin’ anyone? I sure don’t. Now, please, Sayid.” His voice grew quiet. “I want to do this. Please do it before I wuss out on ya.” It was a big admission for him to make, that he was scared of anything, much less a sexual situation. He leaned back against the man he loved so much, aching to show him exactly how much he did. Sayid’s lips pressed against the skin of his back as his fingers slowly and deftly worked the button of his jeans loose. He slid the denim off his hips, then circled him. After pulling his head down for a languid kiss, Sayid dropped to his knees, looking up as Sawyer with a sultry smile. Sawyer’s breath caught in his throat. His lover was so very beautiful, and that smile, those lips… oh, yes, he could already feel them sliding along his cock, could imagine the bliss of Sayid’s mouth as the man sucked him down. But he couldn’t let him do that. “Get up, Sayid,” he whispered. When the man just shook his head, he repeated it in a growl. “Get UP, Omar. I don’t deserve for ya to go treatin’ me like somethin’ special.” Sayid leaned forward, keeping his eyes locked with Sawyer’s, and swiped his tongue over the head of his cock. “You are mine,” the Iraqi said emphatically, running his fingers lightly along the length, “and I will treat you however I wish.” With that, he took him deep into his mouth. “Fuck!” Sawyer shouted, his hips jerking forward before he could stop himself. His nerves were singing, and he soon lost all ability to think, much less remember why he’d been protesting. He groaned as Sayid did something with his tongue that should have been illegal, it felt so good. He knew he couldn’t last much longer. When Sayid’s hand began to caress his balls, it was all over. He threw his head back in a deep, throaty moan as his orgasm swept through him. Sayid licked him clean and stood, pulling him into a kiss. Sawyer could taste himself on the other man’s lips. It was incredible; Sayid was incredible. He moaned softly and let the man guide him down onto the blanket. “Sawyer,” the other man murmured, “would you happen to have a bottle of lotion or oil amongst your possessions?” “Yeah.” Sawyer waved vaguely towards his stuff. “Over there.” He slid his arms under his head and waited for his lover with a smile. Everything was perfect. He watched as Sayid rummaged through one of the suitcases and emerged with a small bottle of hotel hand lotion. He’d found several—everyone steals that shit from hotels—and kept them, thinking they might come in handy. He grinned. ‘Can’t imagine anything to do with it,’ he thought as Sayid walked back and slowly began to remove his clothes. ‘Beautiful,’ he thought. ‘The man is beautiful. Like some kind of exotic heathen god of sex or love or something.’ He licked his lips as Sayid knelt between his legs. ‘I’d worship him.’ The god leaned down to kiss him, and Sawyer raised his hands, tangling them in the thick mass of curls. “I love you, Sawyer,” Sayid murmured against his lips. “Oh, Sayid,” he whispered, desperately wishing that there was some way he could tell the man how he felt. He trailed his hands down Sayid’s back, then grabbed his ass and pulled him closer. “Show me,” he said in a growl. “Have I not already done so?” Sayid asked with a warm smile. “I will have to do a better job this time, won’t I, so that you don’t forget?” His fingers brushed lightly down Sawyer’s sides as he dropped his head to his chest, kissing and licking a trail across the firmly muscled flesh. Sawyer gave a soft gasp as Sayid enflamed his senses yet again. “I, uh, you did fine,” he muttered. “You’re just makin’ me uncomfortable, doin’ all this stuff for me without doin’ nothin’ for yourself.” He smiled wryly up at his lover. Sayid’s hand gently caressed his cheek. “I want this to be perfect for you, my love,” he whispered. “I want you to be comfortable.” “Sayid, darlin’,” Sawyer breathed, “it’s perfect. You’re perfect. Everythin’s so much more perfect than I ever believed possible.” He pulled his lover’s head down and kissed him tenderly. “Now, please, baby…” The other man nodded and picked up the bottle, squeezing some lotion into his hand. He carefully coated his fingers and then slickened his cock. He brought his hand to Sawyer’s ass, gently tracing his opening before easing one finger inside. The tightening of his fingers grasping the blanket was the only sign of Sawyer’s inner anxiety. ‘You wanted this,’ he reminded himself. ‘You liked it last time.’ But he couldn’t quite quash all of the rising doubts; what if last time had been a fluke, Sayid slipping in under his guard? Or… All thoughts vanished as Sayid’s questing finger found that spot inside that he hadn’t known existed. “Aw, fuck!” he gasped, his hips arching without his conscious control. Ok, so… yeah. He groaned as Sayid stroked that spot again and sparks flew along his nerves. “Do you like that, Sawyer?” Sayid murmured as he added a second finger, thrusting them deep. “Do you want more?” “Fuck yeah,” Sawyer groaned. He let his head fall back and grit his teeth. “Are you going to stop bein’ a jackass and fuck me?” Sayid laughed. “Do you always ask so nicely, love?” he said softly, pulling his hand away and positioning himself between Sawyer’s legs, teasingly pressing against his entrance. “No,” he growled, glaring up at his lover. “Sometimes I can be downright nasty. Dammit, Sayid, please!” Bending over him, Sayid brought his lips close to his ear. “I would do anything for you, Sawyer,” he whispered, pushing into him in one long, smooth thrust. “Oh, God,” Sawyer said in a long, drawn out groan. The sensations washing over him were incredible. He wrapped his legs around Sayid’s waist and abandoned himself wholly to the man’s ministrations. Sayid kissed him feverishly, forcing his tongue between his lips, plundering his mouth as he plundered his body. Each of Sayid’s thrusts engulfed him in a holocaust of liquid fire, each overwhelming him before the last had a chance to fade away, building up overpowering layers of pleasure that left no room for anything but desperate desire. This was a feeling more intense than anything he’d ever experienced. Even the last time Sayid had done this to him, he’d been too scared to enjoy it fully, too determined to resist… He moaned as Sayid’s pace increased, taking him to heights of physical pleasure he’d never dreamed existed. He’d been such an idiot all his life… but he knew, deep in his soul, that no other man could have made him feel this damn good. He gazed up into the dark pools that were Sayid’s eyes. ‘I was right,’ he thought. ‘Beautiful.’ His hands slid over the other man’s back. “Please, Sayid,” he breathed. “Oh, fuck, please…” Sayid’s lips traveled across his jaw and down his neck as his fingers closed around his cock. “Good, Sawyer?” he questioned, timing his strokes to match his intoxicating thrusts. “Yes,” he gasped. “God, Sayid, yes!” He could feel his muscles tightening, could sense the waves of ecstasy looming up. He realized with shock that he was still speaking, babbling, rather, mostly curses intermingled with Sayid’s name, getting steadily louder as he neared release. And he couldn’t make himself shut up. And he didn’t really care; the only thing that mattered was that bliss that was just out of reach. Suddenly he was aware of Sayid’s voice in his ear. “Sawyer,” the man whispered huskily, “Sawyer, my darling, let me hear you scream in ecstasy. Come for me, love.” That did it. Sawyer’s body convulsed as white-hot euphoria erupted within him. And earsplitting shout was ripped from his chest; it would have been called a shriek if it had been any higher pitched. Sayid groaned and gave a final thrust into his quivering form, releasing himself deep within him. He let himself drop to rest lightly on Sawyer’s chest. “My love,” he breathed, gazing into his eyes and brushing a finger across his cheek. “I… thank you.” “Nah, baby,” Sawyer whispered. “Thank you. Thank you for carin’ for me. Like… like no one’s ever bothered to do before.” “Sawyer…” Sayid pulled back to look at him. His eyes shined with an unreadable mix of emotions. “I think,” he said softly, “though, of course, I know nothing, that you have had more than enough pain in your life. I only hope I can give you some of the joy you deserve.” Sawyer chuckled uneasily. “Uh, yeah. Joy. You do that.” He buried a hand in Sayid’s sweat-drenched curls and pulled him close for a tender kiss. Without taking his lips from Sawyer’s, Sayid shifted his weight off the other man, curling against his side. His arm slid across his chest, holding him close. “I love you,” he whispered. “Sayid.” His voice was hushed, almost inaudible. “Do we have to go back to the beach yet? Wanna stay here for a bit? With me?” Sayid gave a lazy smile. “That would be wonderful,” he murmured, resting his head on Sawyer’s shoulder. “Yeah. Yeah, it would,” Sawyer whispered, unconsciously playing with Sayid’s hair. After a moment he realized that the other man’s breathing had slowed. He smiled tenderly and wrapped his arms possessively around him. ‘Sleep, Sayid,’ he thought. ‘I won’t let anything happen to ya.’ He
didn’t know how long he lay there, almost in a trance, watching
the steady rise and fall of Sayid’s chest with rapt attention. He
couldn’t believe how protective he felt, as if it was his sacred
duty to ensure that nothing disturbed the man’s rest. He snorted
derisively. ‘Sacred duty. A sharp noise brought him suddenly back to awareness. He tensed, his hand automatically searching for a weapon that wasn’t there. He slowly relaxed as he took in the startled blue eyes staring at him. Boone. Not someone trying to kill him or get money from him. He didn’t have to worry about that here. “Oh, it’s you,” he said with a relieved sigh. “I thought it was someone dangerous.” Boone’s eyes darted between them. “I, uh, Sawyer, you, Sayid, I, guh…” “Hush, boy,” Sawyer hissed. “If you wake him up, I’ll whup your ass.” “You… and Sayid… are GAY?” he whispered. “Hell no.” Sawyer gave an amused grin. “Straight men fuck each other all the time.” Boone cracked a hesitant smile. “So, when you said… said…” “I’d help you with your little problem? Yeah, I meant it. That is,” he added, nodding towards the man in his arms, “if Abdul don’t mind.” “SAYID might want to help.” Sawyer almost jumped as his lover’s voice met his ears. “I thought you were asleep, sunshine,” he drawled, the last word falling from his lips in a half-mocking tone. He wanted to hit himself; he was slipping back into his usual mode of coping with uncomfortable situations: being an asshole. He couldn’t stop himself. Especially with Boone watching. Sayid raised an eyebrow at him but said nothing, instead turning his attention to the younger man. “Boone. How goes it with Jack? I am sorry if I made things more difficult for you by telling him of your regard, but I felt that his obtuseness was hurting you.” “I, uh…” Boone shook himself. “Sorry, what? Uh, do you guys wanna put some clothes on? That’s sorta… distracting.” Sawyer smirked. “Like what ya see, pretty boy?” He sat up, turning to Boone to display himself. Sayid reached up and swatted him. “Behave. Get dressed,” he said, his eyes twinkling. He stood and slipped into his pants, then tossed Sawyer’s jeans to him. “Aww, baby, you never let me have any fun.” He grinned at the flushed look on Boone’s face as he leisurely covered himself. “So, kiddo, what’s the news on Operation Seduce the Doc?” Boone looked away. “I haven’t seen him for a couple days. Not since… since we kissed.” “You kissed him?” Sayid’s eyes widened. “How did he respond? Other than avoiding you for two days, as it seems.” “He… he kissed me again. Then he left.” Sawyer was surprised by the amount of pain in the kid’s voice. ‘He must really care for the guy,’ he thought as Boone continued. “And this was after he said he didn’t want to hurt me. Nice, Jack, you asshole,” he shouted into the silent jungle. A thoughtful look settled on Sayid’s face as he pulled his shirt on. “So, he kissed you back.” He smiled. “Interesting. Very interesting indeed.” His eyes locked with Boone’s. “So, you kissed him. He kissed you, then bolted in terror. Is that right?” Boone shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. I don’t know. Oh, fuck, what am I going to do?” He ended on a near wail and dropped to sit cross legged on the ground. “Easy, boy.” Sawyer put a hand on his shoulder and glanced at Sayid. “Any ideas, Ali?” “Ideas, yes. Plans—unfortunately, no.” Sayid smiled wryly. “It seems to me that Jack may have discovered, much to his surprise, that he is not as indifferent to you as he thought.” The young man looked up, hope gleaming in his eyes. “He… really?” Sayid nodded. “I think so. Consider it this way: have you ever kissed a girl?” “Uh… no.” Boone shifted uncomfortably. “Why?” “Well, what if one suddenly grabbed you and kissed you? And you found that, against all expectation, you liked it? What would you do then?” “Freak,” he admitted, looking thoughtful. “So, you think… you think I have a chance?” Sawyer smiled slightly. There was something touching about all this, the way all the kid had to worry about was whether the doc wanted him, too. Honest lust, love, whatever, with none of the soul searching men like him had to go through. Sayid nodded again. “I do. Merely give him time and space to work it over in his mind. He may choose to… approach you.” He smiled. “I wish you the best of luck, Boone. And I would also like you to know that I am here if you need to talk, or… anything else.” He turned to Sawyer and gave him a significant look. “If you do anything without me, I will castrate you myself.” With that, he slipped his hands into his pockets and strolled off towards the beach. Sawyer winced. “Ouch,” he muttered, then looked up with a glare as Boone started laughing. “Shut the hell up, boy,” he grumbled, flushing. “What goes on between me and Sayid is none of your damn business, ya hear?” “Every word,” he replied with an amused grin. “Don’t worry, Sawyer,” he continued, getting up and turning in the direction of the beach, “I won’t say a word.” He stopped at the edge of the clearing and glanced back. “Except that you two are adorably sweet.” He snickered and took off at a run. “You little fuck!” Sawyer called after him, laughing. Weirdly enough, he didn’t really care. For some reason, he liked the kid. And for once, he felt accepted. First Sayid, and now Boone. He snorted to himself. ‘Great, now we’re the island’s United Fag Front or whatever.’ But it felt so nice to finally belong… |